Almost visit time

In just a few short weeks I get to go visit Jadon. He will be celebrating his 3rd birthday. Where three years have gone I will never know. I look forward to the visit because over the years life has become busy and communication has slowed on both ends. Not that we mean to not communicate its just life takes over and before we know it a month has gone by and we are left still saying we will email or call the other person. I look forward to him calling me his Julie and telling me he loves me and me being able to say to him just how much I love him. He always has so many new things he knows how to do and I try and take them all in during our visit. He shares his belly giggle. Now he is to the point where he ask questions and can talk to me with out me trying to figure out what he means or wants and it's wonderful.

A Prayer for "S"

Lately I have been working with S to find parents for her little girl. Well, yesterday she went into labor and had her little girl. I am asking for prayers so that God will be with her in this difficult time as she hands her baby over to the new parents. Thank you for your prayers.

Huge Summer

Summer time is time for a kid to be a kid. Before you know it though school is starting and you are looking at a child who is now at least 4 inches taller and talking about legos and Star Wars and games he is playing on the WII. However, when you look back on the Summer your child seemed to develop in to this person while you were left standing still. This summer was huge in our house. For one Jacob learned how to swim in June with out flotaion devices. Which pulls from the heart string. Okay one major thing okay I can deal with that. But then in July he told me he didn't want his traning wheels on his bike anymore as he could do it like the other kids. WOW! Then a week before school starts back up he comes to me because he learned something new and is excited to show you. I stand and watch as he unties his shoe and ties it back. I hold back tears and tell him how proud I am of him. He just beams with enthusiasm. So in one summer my baby was turned from a little man to I can do it I am a big boy sorry mom. If only I could shrink him down to a baby again and start all over!

Most amazing sound!

When I tlak to A on the phone I can always here Jadon in the back ground gibbering and he always trys to talk on the phone and the most I have ever gotten was Hi or fish! But still they are great words when you haven't heard him talk. Well the other day we were talking about his birthday and she put him on the phone and the Hi this time was super clear. Then......He said luv you! My heart melted! I couldn't believe that he was telling me that he loved me! They were the greatest words ever and so heart felt. So when I see him Saturday I am hoping to teach him my name! One day he will talk up a storm but for now I can hear it over and over and my heart will still feel like its the first time.

Tomorrow is his 2nd Birthday

It's hard to believe that two years ago today I was in labor, and that tomorrow I would give birth to an amazing little boy! Last year I was a little tough for me, so this year I am taking the day off and staying home. I have all day to get what ever it is out of my system. Because Saturday morning I am meeting him for breakfast! Which I am on cloud nine about. I haven't seen him since April and in his pictures he has changed so much. We are going to the zoo for his birthday which I hear he is in to animals so this should be a great trip! My friend S has offered her shoulder so that if I need one it will be available. She is so great! I got to talk to A today to get final details about the trip and also about how she is with her little man growing up. I am glad I can talk to her when I need to about this little guy!

Do yolu ever wake up and wish you hadn't

When you wake up in the morning do you ever find your self wishing that you could close your eyes to not wake up. You know that everyday you do the same thing and nothing changes, but you keep going not ever knowing why. I know God has a plan for all of us but sometimes its easy to loose sight of it. Sometimes life just keeps kicking you no matter how many times you think you will get ahead life has this funny way of kicking you 10 feet back. I see other people who are so happy and I have no idea what I am doing so wrong that I can't seem to get that way my self. I am beginning to believe happiness is for other people. I have realized that people are not always what them seem at first and I for one am not a good judge of Charter. I realize I will have my heart broken over and over, and I will break some ones heart not meaning to. I also know I am just burnt out. I am sick of trying to be responsible all the time. I but yet it always seems to get in the way of the things that matter in life. I know I will work through this as I always do, but when will it ever get to the point ten steps back doesn't feel so bad?

Visit home

For most of my teenage years I could wait to get as far away from the town I grew up in, and I didn't care if I ever went back. Well, as an adult I realized that sometimes you just need to go home and regroup your thoughts and visit people who are familiar to you. So last month I made the flight home with two kids in tow to visit our family. Who most I don't speak to. But my grandma is there and I love seeing her, and remembering what it was like to be a kid and go to her house. My heart aches at times as I want my kids to know that feeling and they won't as we live thousands of miles away. After an all night flight we finally got our rental car and made the two hour drive to my grandma's house. It was a great feeling to wrap my arms around her and hug her, and feel her arms around me. Long needed I tell ya. This was the woman who took care of me when my mom couldn't over the years for what ever the reason. I took tons of pictures of her and the kids as I have no idea when we will see her again. Plus she will never come out to the west to see where we live as she doesn't travel that far. I also got to see my aunts and uncles and cousins. It was great for the most part, then you have the few people who assume that you will spend every minute of your vacation with you and when you don't they just can't understand why. Really all I wanted to do was relax, sleep in and do what ever I wanted for a week, with out a house to clean. We stayed in a cabin that only had power by a generator and it was great just like camping (we showered at my aunts). The kids played bad mitten, and caught tad poles and frogs and fed a baby pig. All while enjoying time with family they don't see much. I also remembered on my trip back to my house why I live so far away and only visit occasionaly, which is I can't stand half the people back there as they are selfish. I also want my kids to know that there is more out there past the edge of town, and I want them to dream big. I want my kids to be determined to make a great life for them selves and break the cycle that our family has done for years. But I would give anything to be able to sit on my grandma's porch and have a cup of coffee with her right now.