Sober

I did it!!! I made it two months with out drinking as of today and you would think I would feel as if I had accomplished something major but I don't. I feel like I did it because I was told to not because I wanted to. But what ever the case I did it. I did however learn that I need to talk about whats bothering me instead of tipping up the bottle. You know the crazy thing is that when I tell people that I am two months sober when offered a drink they say they had no idea that I was even an alcoholic. So great I had become a functioning alcoholic with out even realising it. May be I should make this clear I only drank at night and some times at lunch( lunch was only a couple of times and never enough that I was shit faced, just enough to de stress my afternoon). I know I had a problem but like everything else in my life I hate to admit when I am wrong. So I am up to seeing how far I can go and in hopes of never taking another drink.

Jacob's 5th Birthday

It just seems like yesterday I was sitting in the bathroom looking at the stick and wondering if it was really true that I was about to be a mom. So I tried another and another and after six sticks I knew that it had to be true and that I was not just seeing things. Then there he was after 10 1/2 hours of labor he was finally here for me to hold and love for all of his life. He was so perfect. The next thing I know he was rolling over and sitting up. My thoughts were if I could only keep him this size forever ( which all moms say at some point in their child's life). Before I knew it he grew to the point where he could stand on his own and soon he was walking following me around, and then began to run. His sweet giggles filled my ears. Then came time to take his bottle which I think broke my heart more than it did his. Over the next year he learned how to do so much and his favorite saying became I can do it my self mom. :( ...Then all of a sudden almost like over night he could go potty and there were no more diapers to buy. One morning I was dressing him and it was for his first day of preschool. You would be surprised what they learn everyday with out you there, and yet when you ask what they did all day they say I played and played some more. He can run a dvd player faster than most grown ups and is a champ at playing video games and I have no clue what buttons to even push. Hello I grew up in the days of Mario Brothers. Then comes the time where he realises that the signs at the theme parks mean something like ummmm you have to be so tall to ride the rides, and with those bright eyes he looks up and says am I big yet? Then as it nears his 5th birthday he ask just about daily and I five yet? Each day I have to tell him not yet it started with months and than got down to weeks and than days and still the question comes over and over and I have to keep saying not today. Then the day is finally here and I wake him up with a happy birthday sweetie and he says in return am I five now and at last I can look at him and say yes today you are five! But, your heart aches for that little boy that the Dr. placed in your arm all those years ago, and you wonder where has all the time gone? How could I have gotten so caught up in life to miss out on all the little things I thought I would never miss? Yet I look back at all the times I said I would never be one of those people who are always on the go and never have time, and sitting here I realise I have become one of them with out even knowing it, but that can be fixed. Any how when I ask him what he wanted for his birthday dinner and he says french fries and a green shake of course that's exactly what I gave him! So the end to a wonderful birthday and looking forward to each one yet to come but in hopes they come slower than all the ones that have come before now.