I use to think that a true friend was some one that you got together with once in a while and the person whom you told everything to. I also thought htat this person would be there for the long ride. Boy was I slapped in the face this past year with finding out who my true friends were.
H and I did everything together, there wasn't much time that we weren't doing something together. When we were hanging out we were on the phone just talking. She was the person I went to with everything. Then shortly after I got pregnant her husband got new orders to relocate to another country. I thought that the distance wouldn't be a problem with our friendship. It took a while for her phone service to get on and it cost alot to call her. So I thought emails or snail mail would keep us connected. But in the mean time life happened and some how we drifted apart. I couldn't even tell you the last time I talked to her, I mean really talked to her and caught up on life. I miss the days of her being part of my life.
K and I had the summer of a life time. The summer when I was trying yo find my place and who I was. It was a blast. Then she met a guy and I went mine. After a huge blow up we barely talked. After I found out I was pregnant I had lots of time to think about mending things in my past so I figure why not. I went to her work and we talked during a lunch, you could feel the tention. But our frenship started to pick up again. In time I saw that she hadn't changed. She drank more than ever and other choices in her life were ones I wasn't sure I wanted to be a part of because I had changed alot in my life. I am not saying that I woke up one morning and became this great person. But with time I became a good person. I did things I could be proud of. So today she sends me a message saying "whatever, you never want to do anything any more", to be honest I am not sure I do.
You maybe wondering where I am going with this. Well those are two people who mean something to me and not even one of them called me to see how I was holding up on my sons first birthday. Not even an email to say they were there if I needed them.
You know who did talk to me that week was S and she was a great shoulder to lean on and I hope I can be there for her. Thank you S for all that you have said to me and thank you for being there. It has meant a lot to me.
Have you looked at who your true friends are lately?
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
MOM
Okay so before I go to a visit I prepare my self for the changes that have happened since last time I visited with him. So that I can mentally beokay with where he is and so it won't be super emotional at the time of the visit. Before the last visit we had talked about what he was doing such as crawling and pulling him self up and talking. So with knowing he was talking I don't know why I was so surprised that he could say mom mom mom. I looked at him and had to step in to the bath room to regroup my self. I mean I knew he could talk I guess I just forgot that he would of course what to say mom mom mom. Also they were not tears of just sadness but tears of joy because that showed just how much he cared for his mom. The part that I knew would heart the heart one day was knowing he would call mom and not me. I guess it just caught me off guard. But I am so happy for her to have the title as mom, which wasa dream come true for her. When he is old enough he will be able to say Julie and it will bring a tear to my eye too.
1ST Bithday party and visit
Yesterday I was honored to be present at Jadons 1st birthday party. When I arrived he had just woken up from a nap and just looked at me trying to place where he knew me from and he wasn't sure if he wanted to leave his moms arms yet or not. Which was okay as I understood that from prior mothering exprience. With in a few minutes I was ready to try to hold him, and to my surprise he came right to me, but he was sure to look and make sure his mom was still close. I then got to seed him his lunch. He sat there in his chair and when he was ready for another bite his little mouth would just pop open and he would give me this look like your not giving me food fast enough. But in between bites I would get the most presious smile in the world. As he ate he would look behind me as thats was where Jacob his big brother was sitting, and he wanted to know what he was doing. I love holding him as much as I can during my visits. We then played on the floor, as his mom got things ready for his party to begin.
On this visit I was also honored to get to meet other people who play a role in his life. He has two great sets of grandparents who love him so much. Another benifit if this was seeing how much he loved each of them back and being included in that part of his life.
He wasn't to sure about the sound of the paper when he opened his gifts but he liked what was in the inside once the paper was gone. Also when it came time for cake he didn't mind putting his hands in it but he wanted nothing to do with eating it. Later he enjoyed some of his moms chocolate cake which he couldn't seem to get enough of. After he got all messy I had the honor of giving him his clean up bath.
In bath time I was able to capture some smiles on my camera. This was the first bath I had given him since his very first bath ever which I had given him in the hospital a year before. This time he was able to sit up all by him self and splash in the water and play with the new bath toys I had given him as a birthday gift.
We played some more through out the after noon and then he got super sleepy so I attempted to put him down for a nap. I wanted to try and rock him to sleep as it gives me some alone time with him during the visit. So we took Tad bit and went in to try and nap. Well his super excited to see him big brother didn't want to get out of the room and of course Jadon wanted nothing more than to stay up and play with him. So once I was able to get him out of the room he started to suck his thumb and then layed his head on my shoulder. Then he would hear some one in the hall way and look around. Then he would look at me and just grin and grin. As we were in there it was almost as if he knew how much I needed those smiles. He was also full of giggles which he shared with me. Then in would come Jacob trying to see what was going on. He just became more and more tired. So finally his mom brought in one last bottle for him. As I held him and he drifted off to sleep I fed him his last bottle. Which was nice because I had fed him his first bottle ever and his last once. Which is a memory I will cherish forever. I was able to rock him to sleep which I guess he usually doesn't let any one do, but I am sure he knew how much I needed to feel him asleep on my chest
I believe every time he looks at me with those big blue eyes he knows what happened and almost as if he understands. I know later I will have to answer any questions he may have. It was agreat visit. I look forward to seeing him on the next one. In the mean time I will enjoy all the picture I took and the ones I will get along the way.
On this visit I was also honored to get to meet other people who play a role in his life. He has two great sets of grandparents who love him so much. Another benifit if this was seeing how much he loved each of them back and being included in that part of his life.
He wasn't to sure about the sound of the paper when he opened his gifts but he liked what was in the inside once the paper was gone. Also when it came time for cake he didn't mind putting his hands in it but he wanted nothing to do with eating it. Later he enjoyed some of his moms chocolate cake which he couldn't seem to get enough of. After he got all messy I had the honor of giving him his clean up bath.
In bath time I was able to capture some smiles on my camera. This was the first bath I had given him since his very first bath ever which I had given him in the hospital a year before. This time he was able to sit up all by him self and splash in the water and play with the new bath toys I had given him as a birthday gift.
We played some more through out the after noon and then he got super sleepy so I attempted to put him down for a nap. I wanted to try and rock him to sleep as it gives me some alone time with him during the visit. So we took Tad bit and went in to try and nap. Well his super excited to see him big brother didn't want to get out of the room and of course Jadon wanted nothing more than to stay up and play with him. So once I was able to get him out of the room he started to suck his thumb and then layed his head on my shoulder. Then he would hear some one in the hall way and look around. Then he would look at me and just grin and grin. As we were in there it was almost as if he knew how much I needed those smiles. He was also full of giggles which he shared with me. Then in would come Jacob trying to see what was going on. He just became more and more tired. So finally his mom brought in one last bottle for him. As I held him and he drifted off to sleep I fed him his last bottle. Which was nice because I had fed him his first bottle ever and his last once. Which is a memory I will cherish forever. I was able to rock him to sleep which I guess he usually doesn't let any one do, but I am sure he knew how much I needed to feel him asleep on my chest
I believe every time he looks at me with those big blue eyes he knows what happened and almost as if he understands. I know later I will have to answer any questions he may have. It was agreat visit. I look forward to seeing him on the next one. In the mean time I will enjoy all the picture I took and the ones I will get along the way.
Happy 1st Birthday
Last year on September 12th the most amazing baby entered the world, and not knowing that the following events would change the course of his life forever. As he came out I saw the joy on his new parents face and I knew what I was doing was right so if I had any doubt up to that point it was gone. The nurse laid him on my chest and the tears filled my eyes ones of joy not ones of sadness I was so excited to finally bemeeting him.
Now it has been one year and its hard to believe. With each visit he gets bigger and bigger and starts to become his own person. The first birthday was hard for me because the events of his birth even though they were good played over and over in my mind. I think everything I looked at had some way of reminding me of him and how we spent the first few days of his life together, and prepared to go our seperate ways. To me its hard I guess to see him as a toddler when in my mind he is still this tiny baby even though I have pictures and I have seen him in person to make that not true.
I made it though as will the other moms who have went through this before me and the ones to come after me. But I am greatful for the moms who are goign though this that I have the chance to become friends with.
Now it has been one year and its hard to believe. With each visit he gets bigger and bigger and starts to become his own person. The first birthday was hard for me because the events of his birth even though they were good played over and over in my mind. I think everything I looked at had some way of reminding me of him and how we spent the first few days of his life together, and prepared to go our seperate ways. To me its hard I guess to see him as a toddler when in my mind he is still this tiny baby even though I have pictures and I have seen him in person to make that not true.
I made it though as will the other moms who have went through this before me and the ones to come after me. But I am greatful for the moms who are goign though this that I have the chance to become friends with.
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