Open or Closed

When I first met with C to talk about my adoption I told her all I wanted were pictures and to be available when my child turned 18 to answer any questions they may have. She reminded me it wasn't something I had to decide today and had my whole pregnancy to decide.

Well when the dr. went to find the babies heart beat for the first time she couldn't find it and I was sent to have and ultra sound to make sure everything was okay. I started to worry what if the baby wasn't okay? All these things raced through my mind, and it was a few hours until they had an opening for an ultra sound. Finally it was time to go and ofc ourse they have you drink lots of fluid so the baby won't have much room to move, bad idea when your your bladder is the size of a pea any how. So as I layed back on the hospital bed the nurse plopped the cold gooe on my belly to start searching for the baby in my tummy. I layed there looking at the monitor hoping and praying every thing would be okay. Then the nurse found the baby and told me everything was just fine. I looked at the screen at the most amazing view in the world, and tears of happiness ran down my cheeks. I had shared with the nurse my choice to place my child up for adoption. She told me what a great thing I was doing.

Needless to say when I went back to see C I told her I wanted an adoption as open as the parents were comfortable with. I explained to her what had happened, and we went on to talk about the process of adoption. (this all happened before I met E & A).

For me Open was the way to go.