The first steps in adoption

I knew in my mind as I said in my previous post that I knew I was going to give my baby up for adoption from a few weeks in to my pregnancy. But what I didn't know is where to go to get all of it started. So I turned to my co- worker J for advice since she the previous year placed her son up for adoption and knew the challenges I was about to face. She gave be a number to a lady at BCS and I called her a few days later to make an appointment. I was so nervous on the other end of that phone, but I explained who I was and how I had come across her number. So we decided on a day to meet and we talked about me and what my plans were and what I wanted out of the adoption. In the same visit she also told me that she normally didn't get the chance to meet girls this early on in their pregnancy's, but I assured her that I was here because I had no other choice. She also told me how to get health insurance since I didn't have any. She kept telling me what an amazing thing I was doing and I knew it was a good thing but yet my heart kept saying something completely different, I felt like I was being a chicken to face up to what I had done.

I met with C twice and on the second visit I was ready to pick the parents who would raise my child as their own. I looked for what seemed like hours and than I came up on a book of a couple who was local they had no other children and were in their late twenties early thirties. She was to be a stay at home mom and he was in the air force. I told C this is who I wanted she said ok and would be in touch with their counselor. I had to wait though since I wasn't past the miscarriage stage and I had to be past that before I could meet them. After passing that stage I got a call form C saying that they had already been placed with a baby. I know I should have just been happy but my heart ached as I thought they were the ones.

Back to square one on looking no one seemed to be what I wanted and yes I had every right to be as picky as I wanted to be, because they were the ones my child loved more than anything. Most of all I wanted ordinary people just like me in some ways. So after hours of looking at books and thinking I was out of luck I came down to the last book and found this amazing couple who looked fun and well rounded they had support and most of all in their book when they were with other children they were both glowing. They were so full of what I wanted my child to have. I knew I wanted them to be my childs parents. But yet C said I should take their book and another couples book home that I had liked and think about it until I was really sure. The whole night I could not get that couple out of my head. So the next day I took both books to work and told them what I liked about each couple and ask what they thought. Now mind you I am just going by pictures and what they have written about them selves. So by the end of the day I knew for sure that the couple I couldn't get out of my head were the ones. I told C the next day and she ask if I was sure and I was.