Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Kidergarten Blues
Last week I got to experience sending my son off to Kindergarten. You would think this would be an easy task since I dropped him off at day care Monday through Friday. The night before he ask me "Mom what if no body likes me?", I looked at him and assured him every one would love him and he would make so many new friends. He seemed okay until it came time to say good bye until the afternoon. Sure enough his little eyes filled with tears and I just hugged him pointed him in the direction of his class and hid in the corner behind another mom. I feel like a coward for being behind that other mom but I knew that if I didn't cut it short right then it would be harder later. Tears filled my eyes and started down my cheek. When the mom in front of me looked back and put her arms around me and said this must be your first and she said it would get better by the end of the week and assured me that I would be okay. It was so nice of her to do that and I wanted to say thank you to her but I haven't seen her since the first day. Her words meant to much to me at that moment. She was right to by the end of the week both of us were just fine. But wow does taking them to Kindergaten on the first day tug on your heart.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Going in to labor
Today one year ago I went in to labor, September 11.
Through out my whole pregnancy I wasn't able to sleep on my stomach because any time I did Jadon would kick around until I was in a spot where he was comfortable which was usually on my back. Why that is kind of funny is when I was pregnant with my first son I could only sleep on my stomach. Anyhow, so on the early morning of September 11th I figured I was just in a position that he didn't like so I tossed and turned alot trying to get him comfortable. Well, I woke up early as I couldn't get comfortable. So I called my aunt as I do some mornings, as I was trying to figure out if I was in labor. Yes I am a nut, I had never been in labor on my own before I was induced the first time. Now after she said I was most likely in labor that I should call the hospital. So I called E & A to tell them that I thought I was in labor. Then I called C to tell her and she said I should call my Dr and give him a heads up. So I called the clinic and she said I should go to the hospital to get checked out. Well if there is one thing I have learned over the years is that it can take a while for a baby to come out. So I went about my morning and I got my son ready to go to daycare, and I called my ex husband so he could pick him up. I packed a bag for the hospital and one for Jacob to take to his dads house, you see I would have done this earlier if I would have known I was going to be two weeks early.
AfterI packed the bag for the hospital it settled in my mind what was happening and I started to cry as I knew our time as mom and son and only the two of us was coming to an end faster than I was ready for it to end. My tears were so uncontrollable. I was sad and excited all in one.
Once I finished everything I thought that I needed to do I drove my son to daycare and told them that his dad would be picking him up and I was on my way to the hospital to have the baby. They offered to drive me but I declined.
Well On my way I waned new pjs as I knew I didn't want to be seen walking up and down the hospital in one of those gowns. I stopped at walmart and and spent some time trying to figure out which set I wanted. I finally chose a pair and left for the hospital.
Okay so even though I have gotten on the freeway in from that exit many times before wouldn't you know on that very day I would take the wrong one and go in the opposite direction..lol..only I would do something like that.
Finally I arrive at the hospital. Now I had sent in the paper work weeks ago to preregister as the Dr. said I should. Wouldn't you know they hadn't put me in the system. 20 min later I was in and on my way up to labor and delivery. They check and I wasn't dilated to much so she told me to get up and walk for a half an hour and then soak in the tub for thirty min. I walked and walked and walked some more, I swear you would think no one has ever seen a woman in labor walk the hall in the hospital. The looks people give you as you do. Well, after all of that I got sent home as they said I didn't change much from when I first got there.
Well on my way home I called my ex husband to tell him I would be picking Jacob up from school. Then I went home and tried to sleep, lol which doesn't work well when you are in labor. So as a young girl from hearing my mom talk to my aunts about what to do in labor, such as lay on your left side and walk alot. So thats what I did as I tried to sleep I layed on my left side. Then when I couldn't take that any more I got up and called my friends friend who is a mid wife and ask her how to speed up my labor. She said try lundges and squats. I called up a friend and went to the park and did just that for an hour and all I got was my contractions to speed up a few min. I took my friend home and went to pick my son up form daycare. They were surprised to see me non the less.
I did everything I normally did at night when I got home. My friend called and ask if I needed her to pick up Jacob and I said if I went to the hospital I would call her. She said she could only come until ten after that she wouldn't be able to get him. I told her I was fine. The contractions started to come more and more.
Around 11 they were 10 min apart and by 12 they were down to five so I figured it was time to go. So I called E & A to let them know I was about to drive to the hospital and would meet them there. They had just got in a half an hour earlier or so. Even though there case worker said not to because I wasn't going to have a baby today. I am so glad they followed their own judgement and not that of some one else.
So I loaded Jacob in to the car and went to get gas as I was on E and meant to get it earlier that day. Well, when I got out I had a contraction and decided against the gas. I got on the free way and was on my way. When it came time to exit ....they were doing construction and my exit was closed so I had to exit and get on another way...yes I find that funny since a simalier thing happened earlier in the day at almost the same exit.
Once I arrived at the hospital I got my stuff and Jacob and walked to the door breathing through a conraction. They noticed that I was in labor before I entered I think. They checked me in and just then two more ladies also in labor walked in. (both of which were also sent home that day by the same nurse I had)
When I got up stairs E & A were there and Jacob was all excited to see them and so was I. The nurse checked to see if I had changed any since I was in earlier and I had. She got me up and walking and I walked the halls with A as E played with Jacob. It was nice having A there with me as I walked this time we talked about the little hats that we saw in the nursery and the pictures we saw on the wall. We also talked about how excited we were to finally be meeting Jadon. Needless to say the contractions got the better of me. So I decided I would take soaking in the tub over walking...haha if I had it all to do over I would keep walking.
A later told me that it helped with E nerves having Jacob there to keep him occupied. He ended up falling asleep in the chair in the room.
Time finally came for the epadural. Which was much needed by then. This was at like two in the morning. I had been in labor since 5:30 the morning before. The Dr. who put it in I am not quite sure he knew what he was doing I heard things breaking behind me and he was asking what wires were for. Trust me that not what you want to hear coming from the mouth of the man sticking a needle in your back. A saw my pain and held my hand.
I am not sure I will ever be able to tell you how great it was to have both of them there through this. It brought us so much closer than anything else we had done up to this point.
After the epadural kicked in I fell asleep. Which was good. The only time I woke up was when the Dr. came in to check my and to break my water.
It was just a matter of a few hours before we would be meeting Jadon.
Through out my whole pregnancy I wasn't able to sleep on my stomach because any time I did Jadon would kick around until I was in a spot where he was comfortable which was usually on my back. Why that is kind of funny is when I was pregnant with my first son I could only sleep on my stomach. Anyhow, so on the early morning of September 11th I figured I was just in a position that he didn't like so I tossed and turned alot trying to get him comfortable. Well, I woke up early as I couldn't get comfortable. So I called my aunt as I do some mornings, as I was trying to figure out if I was in labor. Yes I am a nut, I had never been in labor on my own before I was induced the first time. Now after she said I was most likely in labor that I should call the hospital. So I called E & A to tell them that I thought I was in labor. Then I called C to tell her and she said I should call my Dr and give him a heads up. So I called the clinic and she said I should go to the hospital to get checked out. Well if there is one thing I have learned over the years is that it can take a while for a baby to come out. So I went about my morning and I got my son ready to go to daycare, and I called my ex husband so he could pick him up. I packed a bag for the hospital and one for Jacob to take to his dads house, you see I would have done this earlier if I would have known I was going to be two weeks early.
AfterI packed the bag for the hospital it settled in my mind what was happening and I started to cry as I knew our time as mom and son and only the two of us was coming to an end faster than I was ready for it to end. My tears were so uncontrollable. I was sad and excited all in one.
Once I finished everything I thought that I needed to do I drove my son to daycare and told them that his dad would be picking him up and I was on my way to the hospital to have the baby. They offered to drive me but I declined.
Well On my way I waned new pjs as I knew I didn't want to be seen walking up and down the hospital in one of those gowns. I stopped at walmart and and spent some time trying to figure out which set I wanted. I finally chose a pair and left for the hospital.
Okay so even though I have gotten on the freeway in from that exit many times before wouldn't you know on that very day I would take the wrong one and go in the opposite direction..lol..only I would do something like that.
Finally I arrive at the hospital. Now I had sent in the paper work weeks ago to preregister as the Dr. said I should. Wouldn't you know they hadn't put me in the system. 20 min later I was in and on my way up to labor and delivery. They check and I wasn't dilated to much so she told me to get up and walk for a half an hour and then soak in the tub for thirty min. I walked and walked and walked some more, I swear you would think no one has ever seen a woman in labor walk the hall in the hospital. The looks people give you as you do. Well, after all of that I got sent home as they said I didn't change much from when I first got there.
Well on my way home I called my ex husband to tell him I would be picking Jacob up from school. Then I went home and tried to sleep, lol which doesn't work well when you are in labor. So as a young girl from hearing my mom talk to my aunts about what to do in labor, such as lay on your left side and walk alot. So thats what I did as I tried to sleep I layed on my left side. Then when I couldn't take that any more I got up and called my friends friend who is a mid wife and ask her how to speed up my labor. She said try lundges and squats. I called up a friend and went to the park and did just that for an hour and all I got was my contractions to speed up a few min. I took my friend home and went to pick my son up form daycare. They were surprised to see me non the less.
I did everything I normally did at night when I got home. My friend called and ask if I needed her to pick up Jacob and I said if I went to the hospital I would call her. She said she could only come until ten after that she wouldn't be able to get him. I told her I was fine. The contractions started to come more and more.
Around 11 they were 10 min apart and by 12 they were down to five so I figured it was time to go. So I called E & A to let them know I was about to drive to the hospital and would meet them there. They had just got in a half an hour earlier or so. Even though there case worker said not to because I wasn't going to have a baby today. I am so glad they followed their own judgement and not that of some one else.
So I loaded Jacob in to the car and went to get gas as I was on E and meant to get it earlier that day. Well, when I got out I had a contraction and decided against the gas. I got on the free way and was on my way. When it came time to exit ....they were doing construction and my exit was closed so I had to exit and get on another way...yes I find that funny since a simalier thing happened earlier in the day at almost the same exit.
Once I arrived at the hospital I got my stuff and Jacob and walked to the door breathing through a conraction. They noticed that I was in labor before I entered I think. They checked me in and just then two more ladies also in labor walked in. (both of which were also sent home that day by the same nurse I had)
When I got up stairs E & A were there and Jacob was all excited to see them and so was I. The nurse checked to see if I had changed any since I was in earlier and I had. She got me up and walking and I walked the halls with A as E played with Jacob. It was nice having A there with me as I walked this time we talked about the little hats that we saw in the nursery and the pictures we saw on the wall. We also talked about how excited we were to finally be meeting Jadon. Needless to say the contractions got the better of me. So I decided I would take soaking in the tub over walking...haha if I had it all to do over I would keep walking.
A later told me that it helped with E nerves having Jacob there to keep him occupied. He ended up falling asleep in the chair in the room.
Time finally came for the epadural. Which was much needed by then. This was at like two in the morning. I had been in labor since 5:30 the morning before. The Dr. who put it in I am not quite sure he knew what he was doing I heard things breaking behind me and he was asking what wires were for. Trust me that not what you want to hear coming from the mouth of the man sticking a needle in your back. A saw my pain and held my hand.
I am not sure I will ever be able to tell you how great it was to have both of them there through this. It brought us so much closer than anything else we had done up to this point.
After the epadural kicked in I fell asleep. Which was good. The only time I woke up was when the Dr. came in to check my and to break my water.
It was just a matter of a few hours before we would be meeting Jadon.
Monday, September 3, 2007
The visit were E & A both came
I was thrilled that E & A would get to both come to a Dr. visit before I delivered. If they were closer it would have been different I am sure but living 6 hours one way put a damper on things. At this visit we were talking about how long the Dr. would let me go over due before he would induce labor, which I had to have done with my first child. He told me that we would cross that bridge when we got there. I wanted to be induced because that was a sure way to make sure E & A would be there, which I wanted more than anything. They got to hear the heart beat again and I could see the joy rush over them, which made me know this was the right thing to do.
After the visit we were going to take a tour of labor and delivery. I highly recommend this, because it can be a bonding opportunity. Like I have stated before I wanted this to be like they were having a baby not me, and touring labor and delivery is what you do when you are having a baby. The nurses were so friendly when we got there. A ask questions which was good and the nurses were able to answer them.
Afterwards we all went to dinner and talked about the Dr. visit and all the things that were about to happen. Then we said our good byes and the next time we would see each other would be when I was in labor.
After the visit we were going to take a tour of labor and delivery. I highly recommend this, because it can be a bonding opportunity. Like I have stated before I wanted this to be like they were having a baby not me, and touring labor and delivery is what you do when you are having a baby. The nurses were so friendly when we got there. A ask questions which was good and the nurses were able to answer them.
Afterwards we all went to dinner and talked about the Dr. visit and all the things that were about to happen. Then we said our good byes and the next time we would see each other would be when I was in labor.
A funny story about the ultra sound
At the ultra sound I was given four pictures to keep. I choose which two I would keep and than copied the two I would send to his parents. Well in doing so there was a picture of his foot. Well like any mother would do I counted the toes to make sure there were five. Now every time I did this I came up with six toes. I got so scared and I worried about how to tell E & A that I thought their baby was going to have six toes. I also felt bad because I was going to give them a child that wasn't perfect. Well the more I looked at that picture the more worried I became. Well to make a long story short when he was born he only had five toes on each foot and five fingers on each hand. We laugh now about the time I thought he had six toes.
Letting E & A if the baby was a boy or a girl
I was so disappointed when I found out the agency got my ultra sound date wrong, because that meant that E & A weren't going to be there when I found out if I was having a boy or a girl. So I needed to come up with a way to tell them. I found out that I was having a boy!!!! I thought of all kinds of ways but I thought why not just send them a card that said congrats on your new baby boy, so thats what I did. Now that was after I had C make sure they wanted to know. I was so excited to be having a little boy as I knew how much joy a little boy could bring to his parents or parent as I was raising one already. After they found out I was having a boy they choose the name as it was not my place to do so as I was not going to be the one yelling it when he got in to Trouble but they would be. They choose the perfect name which was Jadon. He fits that name to a T.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
The First Doctors Appointment with A
So since the agency couldn't get the dates right on Dr. visits We decided to exchange email so I could tell the the times I would be seen so they could have time to plan to come if they could make it. The first visit only A was able to make it because E had to work but it was a nice to have one of them there. I had a few questions to ask and than I gave A a chance to ask anything she may have been wondering. It was time to hear the heart beat and let me tell you even though I had heard it before it was amazing to see the joy it brought to A as she listened. That was the first time that she heard her soon to be child's heart beat. Now if only the Dr. could have let her listen longer. Before we knew it the Dr. visit was done.
But than we went to dinner to talk about the visit and just to chat. I gave her some baby stuff some of which my older son had used when he was a baby. You may be wondering what is so great about that well it was great to see that she wasn't afraid or to good to use hand me downs. I know there are moms out there like that and it made me happy knowing she wasn't one of them. At the end of the visit we said good bye and each went out own way until we would have another chance to visit.
But than we went to dinner to talk about the visit and just to chat. I gave her some baby stuff some of which my older son had used when he was a baby. You may be wondering what is so great about that well it was great to see that she wasn't afraid or to good to use hand me downs. I know there are moms out there like that and it made me happy knowing she wasn't one of them. At the end of the visit we said good bye and each went out own way until we would have another chance to visit.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Open or Closed
When I first met with C to talk about my adoption I told her all I wanted were pictures and to be available when my child turned 18 to answer any questions they may have. She reminded me it wasn't something I had to decide today and had my whole pregnancy to decide.
Well when the dr. went to find the babies heart beat for the first time she couldn't find it and I was sent to have and ultra sound to make sure everything was okay. I started to worry what if the baby wasn't okay? All these things raced through my mind, and it was a few hours until they had an opening for an ultra sound. Finally it was time to go and ofc ourse they have you drink lots of fluid so the baby won't have much room to move, bad idea when your your bladder is the size of a pea any how. So as I layed back on the hospital bed the nurse plopped the cold gooe on my belly to start searching for the baby in my tummy. I layed there looking at the monitor hoping and praying every thing would be okay. Then the nurse found the baby and told me everything was just fine. I looked at the screen at the most amazing view in the world, and tears of happiness ran down my cheeks. I had shared with the nurse my choice to place my child up for adoption. She told me what a great thing I was doing.
Needless to say when I went back to see C I told her I wanted an adoption as open as the parents were comfortable with. I explained to her what had happened, and we went on to talk about the process of adoption. (this all happened before I met E & A).
For me Open was the way to go.
Well when the dr. went to find the babies heart beat for the first time she couldn't find it and I was sent to have and ultra sound to make sure everything was okay. I started to worry what if the baby wasn't okay? All these things raced through my mind, and it was a few hours until they had an opening for an ultra sound. Finally it was time to go and ofc ourse they have you drink lots of fluid so the baby won't have much room to move, bad idea when your your bladder is the size of a pea any how. So as I layed back on the hospital bed the nurse plopped the cold gooe on my belly to start searching for the baby in my tummy. I layed there looking at the monitor hoping and praying every thing would be okay. Then the nurse found the baby and told me everything was just fine. I looked at the screen at the most amazing view in the world, and tears of happiness ran down my cheeks. I had shared with the nurse my choice to place my child up for adoption. She told me what a great thing I was doing.
Needless to say when I went back to see C I told her I wanted an adoption as open as the parents were comfortable with. I explained to her what had happened, and we went on to talk about the process of adoption. (this all happened before I met E & A).
For me Open was the way to go.
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