Okay so I am driving home today and already cranky for who knows what reason what I was on the verge of tears but needed to get home before I could break down in private. So I am six lights from home and stopped so I start to pop in my favorite CD when all of a sudden I get hit from behind. I look in the rear view mirror to see the person who just smacked in to the back of my car. I move to the side of the road so traffic can keep going and then check to make sure my son is ok which he was. I get out and walk over to this guys car and ask for his insurance and he say ok, well come to find out the dumb ass didn't even have any. Then all I can smell is alcohol I ask him if he had been drinking and he looks at me and goes I had one beer. One beer my ass doesn't make you smell like that. So I look at him and I go Thank GOD you did not hurt my child and how dare he get in his car and drive. I look at his friend who was with him and I ask him if he had a drink and he said NO I was about to flip a lid I ask him why wasn't he driving, he had no answer. Now back to this driver he was telling me he would take care of my car if I didn't call the police and I told him that I had to since he didn't have insurance and I needed mine to fix my car. As I know this fool isn't going to pay. SO I call the police and I tell the lady on the phone that he had been drinking and told her what had happened. So while we are waiting for the cop to arrive he tells me he doesn't have a license . Yes that's right he had already lost his license to a DUI not so long ago and decided to drink and get behind the wheel today. Luckily no one was hurt but my poor car and the front of his. Well low and behold the cop shows up minutes later and has him to a drunk test in the field which he fails. So he is arrested and taken in for driving under the influence, Driving under a suspended license, for causing an accident and for not having and insurance. Now the cop turns to me and ask if I think he will pay for the damages and I say no I do not. Come on now there is no way this guy is going to pay. So the cop says that its just a paint transfer and it can be buffed out and its not worth filling out the police report. I was shocked I thought in an accident you had to do one. So here I leave the scene with some crazy guys address and phone number and damage to my car. I was pissed.
What I don't understand in all of this is how the heck is this guy driving and now he will have a second DUI and will just loose his license for a year and do some community service but in the mean time he will still drink and drive. I pray he doesn't ever hurt any one.
I am not saying I am a saint or anything because GOD knows I was in that boat a few years ago. Yes you read that right I got a DUI in 2005. Thankfully I got pulled over before I hurt some one or myself. Yes I was pissed and scared. Yet I dealt with what I had to do to learn another lesson which I should have already known. I lost my license for 90 day and I had a breathing thing put in my car, I also had to pay 2500 dollars for and attorney, who got my charge dropped to negligence after two years, I also have to carry and sr22 for three years, I had to sit in a victims panel, and take an acohol class. Now you would have thought I would have stopped drinking but I didn't. I just stopped going out and became a functioning acoholic. Then one day I got pregnant and stopped and didn't have a drink until after two weeks when I wasn't sure what I was going to do emotionaly. I didn't drink as much just on the weekends after I put my son to sleep, but that only last a while then I was back up to drinking every night and sometimes I would binge drink and be so sick. Well in June my therapist said either I stop drinking or else I would be ordered to go to AA and admit that I had a problem. Well I have been sober two months as of August 8th.
Let me tell you after today I will never touch another drink as Long as I live.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Visits with my son
Its almost like Christmas but better when I see my son. That means I get to hold him and see him smile up at me. I remember the first visit after the hospital it was actually a week I think after he went home with his parents and we met at a Starbucks. No one else seemed to matter but him he was so tiny in his car seat. He was just sleeping away ( The time when he had his days and nights mixed up). I took him out of his car seat almost afraid to even touch him as if he may break. I almost felt like a first time mom. But I just looked at him and I thought about how amazing he was.
The second time I got to see him was in December and now mind you I had only seen pictures of him up until the visit. Now yes a picture can be worth a million words, but nothing could have ever done justice for the way he looked sleeping on their hotel bed when I got there. I picked him up and he bigger than the last time I had my eyes on him. I just wanted to hold him and not put him down. The part that hit the heart was when he cried it wasn't me that he wanted to sooth his worries but his parents. After a few minutes of holding him and he started to open his eyes and he looked up at me as if he knew who I was all along. I am sure it was my voice he remembered. Through out the visit I think the only time I put him down was when he got in his car seat on the way to dinner. His little gins meant the world to me. I took them all in.
Oh now the third visit was a blast I got to see him on his own turf. When I got there he was sitting up playing with is toys on the floor. Wow can you believe it he was sitting up all by him self. I walked over to him to say hi and he just had the biggest grin ever. It was the toothless grin. We played all afternoon. I got to try and rock him to sleep, but he was not having a nap. He stayed up all day as if he to were trying to take all of us in before we would be gone for a few more months.
A few weeks ago I got to see him again. Time has gone by so fast. He went from sitting to now being mobile and is crawling all over the place and well the army crawl anyhow. Once again I just held him and not wanting to put him down. I some how try to make up for not holding him. The most amazing part was that when he got sleepy I rubbed his back and he fell asleep. Which was the first time I had done that since we were in the hospital together.
I will always treasure each visit. Its hard to beleive the next time I see him he will be a year old.
The second time I got to see him was in December and now mind you I had only seen pictures of him up until the visit. Now yes a picture can be worth a million words, but nothing could have ever done justice for the way he looked sleeping on their hotel bed when I got there. I picked him up and he bigger than the last time I had my eyes on him. I just wanted to hold him and not put him down. The part that hit the heart was when he cried it wasn't me that he wanted to sooth his worries but his parents. After a few minutes of holding him and he started to open his eyes and he looked up at me as if he knew who I was all along. I am sure it was my voice he remembered. Through out the visit I think the only time I put him down was when he got in his car seat on the way to dinner. His little gins meant the world to me. I took them all in.
Oh now the third visit was a blast I got to see him on his own turf. When I got there he was sitting up playing with is toys on the floor. Wow can you believe it he was sitting up all by him self. I walked over to him to say hi and he just had the biggest grin ever. It was the toothless grin. We played all afternoon. I got to try and rock him to sleep, but he was not having a nap. He stayed up all day as if he to were trying to take all of us in before we would be gone for a few more months.
A few weeks ago I got to see him again. Time has gone by so fast. He went from sitting to now being mobile and is crawling all over the place and well the army crawl anyhow. Once again I just held him and not wanting to put him down. I some how try to make up for not holding him. The most amazing part was that when he got sleepy I rubbed his back and he fell asleep. Which was the first time I had done that since we were in the hospital together.
I will always treasure each visit. Its hard to beleive the next time I see him he will be a year old.
Blog Blocked
So the other day I get ready to check another moms blog and then write something that I had been thinking about at work...... Well wouldn't you know my work blocked both mine and hers. Now whats so funny about this is that there are a few other blogs that I had in my favorites which I would read every now and than but they didn't block them. If they only knew how helpful blogging can be.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
The time of the season
I went to a street fair to day with my older son whom I parent and all around it seemed every where I looked were pregnant women and babies. How quick I was to forget that this is the time of year when all the pregnant women are out and about or at least showing the most. Anyhow it made me think that just a year ago I to was pregnant and out and about only my story was a little diffrent than most of the women I saw today and that being that they will most likely be taking their baby home where I left mine at the hospital with his new parents who will love him forever. But I remember how it felt to have ankles the size of baseballs if not bigger and the way it felt when he would move around in my tummy to let me know he was still there. its just strange to me that something like that could trigger so many emotions and I am not even sure what to do with them. I wonder with time does it get easier to see pregnant people with out reliving my own in my mind?
This is the greatest poem
I found this on line one day and as I read it it was a little tough but I hope all of you enjoy it as much as I did.
To My Son, Their SonBy: Jeska Kelly
I say "hello my little William,"as he rests beneath my heart.I'll say "good bye" to little Williamwhen it's time for us to part. I say "good night, sweet dreams, my angel."I lay my hand upon my chest,knowing it won't be me that tucks him inas he lays down to rest. I say "ouch, William, that sort of hurts"as he moves inside of me.But I won't be the one to dry his tearsand mend his first scraped knee.I say "relax, sweet boy" to Williamas he grows and jumps and turns,but I won't be there to calm himwhen he's faced with life's concerns.When he's got a dirty diaper,when he's crying late at night,when he sees a shadow monster,and he's up 'til 3 with fright…When he eats his first real bite of food, when he's learning how to crawl,when he's being taught to hold a batand how to throw a ball…It won't be me there with him.And though at times it makes me sad,I know that God has given him his home, his mom, his dad. We'll always be connected.He's grown beneath my heart so long that he's also grown into it!The bond is precious and it's strong.But I am not his mother. She lives miles and miles away,with his daddy, surrounded by family,who have been waiting for the daywhen they will hold their precious baby,when they will have their darling son,and to know I've born the answer to their prayersbrings peace when the day is done.And so I say to sweet, sweet William, as I prepare to see him leave my side, "I love you so much I'll let you go.It wasn't easy to decide…But God's got a big, big plan for you,He's got a home for you to make.He's just got a different last name,a different path for you to take. You are God's child first, And He'll put you in your place.From His hands, to mine, to your mom and dad's,through the power of His grace.I thank Him for your precious life.I thank Him for your dad and mom. But most of all I thank Him for the strengthto place you where you belong."
To My Son, Their SonBy: Jeska Kelly
I say "hello my little William,"as he rests beneath my heart.I'll say "good bye" to little Williamwhen it's time for us to part. I say "good night, sweet dreams, my angel."I lay my hand upon my chest,knowing it won't be me that tucks him inas he lays down to rest. I say "ouch, William, that sort of hurts"as he moves inside of me.But I won't be the one to dry his tearsand mend his first scraped knee.I say "relax, sweet boy" to Williamas he grows and jumps and turns,but I won't be there to calm himwhen he's faced with life's concerns.When he's got a dirty diaper,when he's crying late at night,when he sees a shadow monster,and he's up 'til 3 with fright…When he eats his first real bite of food, when he's learning how to crawl,when he's being taught to hold a batand how to throw a ball…It won't be me there with him.And though at times it makes me sad,I know that God has given him his home, his mom, his dad. We'll always be connected.He's grown beneath my heart so long that he's also grown into it!The bond is precious and it's strong.But I am not his mother. She lives miles and miles away,with his daddy, surrounded by family,who have been waiting for the daywhen they will hold their precious baby,when they will have their darling son,and to know I've born the answer to their prayersbrings peace when the day is done.And so I say to sweet, sweet William, as I prepare to see him leave my side, "I love you so much I'll let you go.It wasn't easy to decide…But God's got a big, big plan for you,He's got a home for you to make.He's just got a different last name,a different path for you to take. You are God's child first, And He'll put you in your place.From His hands, to mine, to your mom and dad's,through the power of His grace.I thank Him for your precious life.I thank Him for your dad and mom. But most of all I thank Him for the strengthto place you where you belong."
The nerve of some Adoptive moms
You see I am a member of another birthmom site and sure enough adoptive moms are allowed to post as well which isn't the problem but this one that I read last night didn't sit to well with me. It was about this lady who had adopted a little boy and how his mom choose a very closed adoption to the point that she didn't even hold him in the hospital. Which if thats how she needed to deal with the pain she was about to go through for the rest of her life by all means, we all have our own way about doing so. Now this adoptive mom was talking about how she was trying to track this woman down so that she may have a relationship with her son. Now for some its much easier to cut all contact and if thats what birthmoms decided that the adoptive family should respect that. So it goes on all to talk about how the mom moved and how the adoptive mom whats the agency to find her. And even to make things worse there is a birthmother feeding in to this ladys frenzy. Hello the mom made it very clear what she wanted. If she wanted a relationship than she would have picked an open adoption instead of closed. Get a clue already. She also went on to say how she didn't want her son to feel unloved. I am sure if she would explain just how much his first mom loved him than he will be okay and if and when he is old enough and wants to try and find his mom by all means thats his right and it will be her right at that time if she excepts the relationship or not. For birthmoms sometimes the pain is just to much no matter what kind of adoption they have. Just let them deal the way thats best for them not the way that the adoptive family thinks is right. I am not saying that all adoptive familys are bad as I know I have an amazing one and wouldn''t trade them for the world. They give me space when I need it and they are there when I need them.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
T- Ball MOM's
This is my first season with any type of sport with my son as most you can't join until you enter Kindergaden, so this is my first time dealing with other moms in this setting or any other for that matter. So the first practice his dad takes him and I come straight from work and watch him from the side line. Wondering to myself if this is really something he sould be doing in the first place as I am sad to my self that he is growing so fast. Anyhow I try and make small talk with the moms around me and I am not much for chatting with people that I don't know in the first place, but I try and pipe in when I see a chance ony to get a funny look or a snide giggle. Now I should tell you there are two groups of moms and somehow I ended up in the middle....What was I thinking? So I dreaded other practices knowing I would be sitting there with those same women who knew each other before and didn't need a new comer to their group. So by the third practice I decided that I would just sit on the other bleachers away from them. I was doing good and then came a mom I dadn't seen in the other groups and she was up for chatting. We sat there cheering for our children and chatting about life. We left the game and went our own ways till the next practice. Where we meet on the same bleachers as the Monday before and to our surprise there came all those other moms and guess what they were nice and chatty. I judged them before I even had more than a few minutes to know them. So we all sat cheering for our children and trying to keep them after the ball instead of playing in the dirt.
So today was picture day and as the vote this last Monday we were to wear gray pants and the shirt and hat provided to us. Yes I had purchased pants before he started but I got white thinking they would be easier to clean, I now had to buy new pants for pictures. So when we show up I notice there are way more kids then there had been in all the practices there with our color shirts on and ready to be part of "Our Team" photo. Hmmm now let me get this right you don't have to come to practice and so now your kids pants don't match the rest of the "Team". I sure hope the coach steps up and says that if they havn't been to practice they don't get to play in the first game as it is unfair to the children who have been chasing that ball since day one. Yes I know its T-ball but there still has to be a line some where. Oh and better yet we are assigned partners for snacks at the games and lucky me I got paired with some one who has been to one practice as its been to hot for her to come to the other ones. So I am sure that if she can't give up something to come to practice what makes the coach so sure that she will even be able to be part of making a snake for the kids on game day?
So today was picture day and as the vote this last Monday we were to wear gray pants and the shirt and hat provided to us. Yes I had purchased pants before he started but I got white thinking they would be easier to clean, I now had to buy new pants for pictures. So when we show up I notice there are way more kids then there had been in all the practices there with our color shirts on and ready to be part of "Our Team" photo. Hmmm now let me get this right you don't have to come to practice and so now your kids pants don't match the rest of the "Team". I sure hope the coach steps up and says that if they havn't been to practice they don't get to play in the first game as it is unfair to the children who have been chasing that ball since day one. Yes I know its T-ball but there still has to be a line some where. Oh and better yet we are assigned partners for snacks at the games and lucky me I got paired with some one who has been to one practice as its been to hot for her to come to the other ones. So I am sure that if she can't give up something to come to practice what makes the coach so sure that she will even be able to be part of making a snake for the kids on game day?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
