Visits with my son

Its almost like Christmas but better when I see my son. That means I get to hold him and see him smile up at me. I remember the first visit after the hospital it was actually a week I think after he went home with his parents and we met at a Starbucks. No one else seemed to matter but him he was so tiny in his car seat. He was just sleeping away ( The time when he had his days and nights mixed up). I took him out of his car seat almost afraid to even touch him as if he may break. I almost felt like a first time mom. But I just looked at him and I thought about how amazing he was.
The second time I got to see him was in December and now mind you I had only seen pictures of him up until the visit. Now yes a picture can be worth a million words, but nothing could have ever done justice for the way he looked sleeping on their hotel bed when I got there. I picked him up and he bigger than the last time I had my eyes on him. I just wanted to hold him and not put him down. The part that hit the heart was when he cried it wasn't me that he wanted to sooth his worries but his parents. After a few minutes of holding him and he started to open his eyes and he looked up at me as if he knew who I was all along. I am sure it was my voice he remembered. Through out the visit I think the only time I put him down was when he got in his car seat on the way to dinner. His little gins meant the world to me. I took them all in.
Oh now the third visit was a blast I got to see him on his own turf. When I got there he was sitting up playing with is toys on the floor. Wow can you believe it he was sitting up all by him self. I walked over to him to say hi and he just had the biggest grin ever. It was the toothless grin. We played all afternoon. I got to try and rock him to sleep, but he was not having a nap. He stayed up all day as if he to were trying to take all of us in before we would be gone for a few more months.
A few weeks ago I got to see him again. Time has gone by so fast. He went from sitting to now being mobile and is crawling all over the place and well the army crawl anyhow. Once again I just held him and not wanting to put him down. I some how try to make up for not holding him. The most amazing part was that when he got sleepy I rubbed his back and he fell asleep. Which was the first time I had done that since we were in the hospital together.
I will always treasure each visit. Its hard to beleive the next time I see him he will be a year old.

Blog Blocked

So the other day I get ready to check another moms blog and then write something that I had been thinking about at work...... Well wouldn't you know my work blocked both mine and hers. Now whats so funny about this is that there are a few other blogs that I had in my favorites which I would read every now and than but they didn't block them. If they only knew how helpful blogging can be.

The time of the season

I went to a street fair to day with my older son whom I parent and all around it seemed every where I looked were pregnant women and babies. How quick I was to forget that this is the time of year when all the pregnant women are out and about or at least showing the most. Anyhow it made me think that just a year ago I to was pregnant and out and about only my story was a little diffrent than most of the women I saw today and that being that they will most likely be taking their baby home where I left mine at the hospital with his new parents who will love him forever. But I remember how it felt to have ankles the size of baseballs if not bigger and the way it felt when he would move around in my tummy to let me know he was still there. its just strange to me that something like that could trigger so many emotions and I am not even sure what to do with them. I wonder with time does it get easier to see pregnant people with out reliving my own in my mind?

This is the greatest poem

I found this on line one day and as I read it it was a little tough but I hope all of you enjoy it as much as I did.
To My Son, Their SonBy: Jeska Kelly
I say "hello my little William,"as he rests beneath my heart.I'll say "good bye" to little Williamwhen it's time for us to part. I say "good night, sweet dreams, my angel."I lay my hand upon my chest,knowing it won't be me that tucks him inas he lays down to rest. I say "ouch, William, that sort of hurts"as he moves inside of me.But I won't be the one to dry his tearsand mend his first scraped knee.I say "relax, sweet boy" to Williamas he grows and jumps and turns,but I won't be there to calm himwhen he's faced with life's concerns.When he's got a dirty diaper,when he's crying late at night,when he sees a shadow monster,and he's up 'til 3 with fright…When he eats his first real bite of food, when he's learning how to crawl,when he's being taught to hold a batand how to throw a ball…It won't be me there with him.And though at times it makes me sad,I know that God has given him his home, his mom, his dad. We'll always be connected.He's grown beneath my heart so long that he's also grown into it!The bond is precious and it's strong.But I am not his mother. She lives miles and miles away,with his daddy, surrounded by family,who have been waiting for the daywhen they will hold their precious baby,when they will have their darling son,and to know I've born the answer to their prayersbrings peace when the day is done.And so I say to sweet, sweet William, as I prepare to see him leave my side, "I love you so much I'll let you go.It wasn't easy to decide…But God's got a big, big plan for you,He's got a home for you to make.He's just got a different last name,a different path for you to take. You are God's child first, And He'll put you in your place.From His hands, to mine, to your mom and dad's,through the power of His grace.I thank Him for your precious life.I thank Him for your dad and mom. But most of all I thank Him for the strengthto place you where you belong."

The nerve of some Adoptive moms

You see I am a member of another birthmom site and sure enough adoptive moms are allowed to post as well which isn't the problem but this one that I read last night didn't sit to well with me. It was about this lady who had adopted a little boy and how his mom choose a very closed adoption to the point that she didn't even hold him in the hospital. Which if thats how she needed to deal with the pain she was about to go through for the rest of her life by all means, we all have our own way about doing so. Now this adoptive mom was talking about how she was trying to track this woman down so that she may have a relationship with her son. Now for some its much easier to cut all contact and if thats what birthmoms decided that the adoptive family should respect that. So it goes on all to talk about how the mom moved and how the adoptive mom whats the agency to find her. And even to make things worse there is a birthmother feeding in to this ladys frenzy. Hello the mom made it very clear what she wanted. If she wanted a relationship than she would have picked an open adoption instead of closed. Get a clue already. She also went on to say how she didn't want her son to feel unloved. I am sure if she would explain just how much his first mom loved him than he will be okay and if and when he is old enough and wants to try and find his mom by all means thats his right and it will be her right at that time if she excepts the relationship or not. For birthmoms sometimes the pain is just to much no matter what kind of adoption they have. Just let them deal the way thats best for them not the way that the adoptive family thinks is right. I am not saying that all adoptive familys are bad as I know I have an amazing one and wouldn''t trade them for the world. They give me space when I need it and they are there when I need them.

T- Ball MOM's

This is my first season with any type of sport with my son as most you can't join until you enter Kindergaden, so this is my first time dealing with other moms in this setting or any other for that matter. So the first practice his dad takes him and I come straight from work and watch him from the side line. Wondering to myself if this is really something he sould be doing in the first place as I am sad to my self that he is growing so fast. Anyhow I try and make small talk with the moms around me and I am not much for chatting with people that I don't know in the first place, but I try and pipe in when I see a chance ony to get a funny look or a snide giggle. Now I should tell you there are two groups of moms and somehow I ended up in the middle....What was I thinking? So I dreaded other practices knowing I would be sitting there with those same women who knew each other before and didn't need a new comer to their group. So by the third practice I decided that I would just sit on the other bleachers away from them. I was doing good and then came a mom I dadn't seen in the other groups and she was up for chatting. We sat there cheering for our children and chatting about life. We left the game and went our own ways till the next practice. Where we meet on the same bleachers as the Monday before and to our surprise there came all those other moms and guess what they were nice and chatty. I judged them before I even had more than a few minutes to know them. So we all sat cheering for our children and trying to keep them after the ball instead of playing in the dirt.
So today was picture day and as the vote this last Monday we were to wear gray pants and the shirt and hat provided to us. Yes I had purchased pants before he started but I got white thinking they would be easier to clean, I now had to buy new pants for pictures. So when we show up I notice there are way more kids then there had been in all the practices there with our color shirts on and ready to be part of "Our Team" photo. Hmmm now let me get this right you don't have to come to practice and so now your kids pants don't match the rest of the "Team". I sure hope the coach steps up and says that if they havn't been to practice they don't get to play in the first game as it is unfair to the children who have been chasing that ball since day one. Yes I know its T-ball but there still has to be a line some where. Oh and better yet we are assigned partners for snacks at the games and lucky me I got paired with some one who has been to one practice as its been to hot for her to come to the other ones. So I am sure that if she can't give up something to come to practice what makes the coach so sure that she will even be able to be part of making a snake for the kids on game day?

What comes around goes around

This past Saturday I decided that I would wake up and drive to the ocean as my son and I had yet to make our first trip of the season which we usually make in March. So the sky is blue as blue can be and not a cloud in the sky.....lol...that is until we got to highway 101, where there was a huge cloud which followed us to the ocean. We were not going to let that stand in our way. Pulling on to the beach you could just smell the ocean air which was great. So we park the car and walk down the beach gathering the things that my son thought were neat and putting them in to the bag he brought. When he looks at me and states he needs to go potty. Which if any one know my son knows he always waits till the very last minute to go. Now mind you we still have to walk back to the car and then drive down off of the beach and down the street to find a restroom. So knowing that he needed to go soon I got this bright idea to drive back by the weeds in hopes knowing no one would see him. The sand looked safe and hard like the stuff we were driving on..... So I get about two yards in and wouldn't you know that the front emd of my car went right down in the sand and got stuck! Yes thats right I said I got my car stuck in the sand. So my son starts freaking out and still has to go to the bathroom. I try to dig my self out and have no luck but I do manage to get a bigger hole to be stuck in. So I now know that I am going to need to feel like an idiot and ask for help from some one that I didn't even know. To my amazement the most amazing couple saw me stuck and was walking toward me at that very moment. They told me how they had done the same thing once before, and that all I needed was some drift wood and I would be good to go. With their help and another kind couple, I was out in a matter of minutes and still had a little boy who needed to go potty. I than did what any mother of a four old would do. That is I pulled back down on to the hard sand and opened two doors and told him to aim down and stood so no one would see him. Thats what I should have done in the first place but oh no I had to try to make it less obvious. Then we went on to enjoy the rest of our time at the ocean.
So with that long winded story being told it leads me to today on may way into work. I was already late as nothing would fit right grrrr I hate mornings like that. So here I am going the back way to miss alot of lights and traffic and it seemed that others had the same thought so it was a little slow. I come up on one of the only lights on that road and sure enough there is a car stuck right at the light. And cars were beeping and going past just looking at the sorry sucker stuck in the broken down car. Well one thing I was taught as a child is that we help those who need help. I guess alot of people weren't taugh that these days. So I rolled down my window and ask the lady behind the wheel if she needed help and she was so greatful that I didn't keep driving like all those people before. After a few minutes I figured out how to get her to the side of the road and pushed her there. ( Let see yes that took a minute as I am usually the one in the broke down car needing help. So you would have thought that I would have learned something from those who have helped me, but yeah I didn't) So once there I got my car turned around to give her a jump only to find out that she nor I had jumper cables.....Lol... Yes we are both girls! So we flag some one else down and they offered to go get theirs from home. Yet after they hadn't returned in ten min we figured they had flaked on us and so we flaged another person down. Just as they hooked theirs up the first guy returned, which was very nice of him to follow thru with what he said he was going to do it just took him a few extra minutes to find them. After all that we all came to learn that it wasn't her battery at all but something no one had time to figure out at eight o clock in the morning. So, I offered her a ride to where she was going and then I was on my way.
No if I had been like every other person on that road this morning I would have passed up the chance to meet a nice lady about my age with her heart set on what she wanted to do in life. We had made small talk while we were thinking of what to do on the side of the road, and we both learned that people are self centered these days and just to focused on what they have going on to lend a hand to some one who is in clear need of help.
So offten we want some one to lend us the hand and we are greedy and end the chain with us. My day in turn turned out alot better knowing I made someone elses day just a little better by just asking "Do you need some help?".