This morning my neighbor ask my boyfriend if we had a baby because her brother dropped off some formula and she wouldn't have a baby for another 4 months.
So usually I am fine hearing that someone is expecting and I am actually happy for them because they get to experience motherhood and all the wonderful things it offers. But today is not one of those days. I already question this ladies parenting skills with the child she already has. Now I am in no way saying I am a saint of a parent because Lord knows I have made tons of mistakes raising my own child. At first the thought of her having a baby didn't bother me but as I sat there thinking of the kind of parent she is, I started to wonder why. Why is it okay for people like her to have baby after baby and keep them and I can't. I am a good mom and yet I had to give my baby to some one else because I couldn't care for him. And this lady gets to wake up every night by the crying of her new baby. I am not jealous all I want to know is why. Why is it okay for some people to have all that it takes to have a baby and why is it not for others. I understand that it takes a strong person to do what I did and all the mothers before me and those who will follow.
Now I live in fear of ever having another child for the fear that my child that I placed will somehow think I didn't love him enough to keep him. Which isn't the case at all.
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