Saturday, July 14, 2007
The nerve of some Adoptive moms
You see I am a member of another birthmom site and sure enough adoptive moms are allowed to post as well which isn't the problem but this one that I read last night didn't sit to well with me. It was about this lady who had adopted a little boy and how his mom choose a very closed adoption to the point that she didn't even hold him in the hospital. Which if thats how she needed to deal with the pain she was about to go through for the rest of her life by all means, we all have our own way about doing so. Now this adoptive mom was talking about how she was trying to track this woman down so that she may have a relationship with her son. Now for some its much easier to cut all contact and if thats what birthmoms decided that the adoptive family should respect that. So it goes on all to talk about how the mom moved and how the adoptive mom whats the agency to find her. And even to make things worse there is a birthmother feeding in to this ladys frenzy. Hello the mom made it very clear what she wanted. If she wanted a relationship than she would have picked an open adoption instead of closed. Get a clue already. She also went on to say how she didn't want her son to feel unloved. I am sure if she would explain just how much his first mom loved him than he will be okay and if and when he is old enough and wants to try and find his mom by all means thats his right and it will be her right at that time if she excepts the relationship or not. For birthmoms sometimes the pain is just to much no matter what kind of adoption they have. Just let them deal the way thats best for them not the way that the adoptive family thinks is right. I am not saying that all adoptive familys are bad as I know I have an amazing one and wouldn''t trade them for the world. They give me space when I need it and they are there when I need them.
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2 comments:
I wonder why a birthmom would be feeding this . . .
i can understand why an adoptive mom would want the birthmom to have a relationship with her son, but give me a break! If the son decides he wants a relationship then he can search for her when he is old enough. Or his mom can help him when he expresses that wish if he isn't old enough. Unless her son has said he wants a relationship then she is just assuming that it would be best for him to drag up his birthmom.
However, I know there are birthmoms who made the choice for a closed adoption initially because it was too painful and are now wanting contact. It is hard to go back to the adoptive parents and say, "hey, sorry to interrupt your life but I changed my mind and want to be in your life." That is the way my relationship with S and C started (semi-open, almost closed) but God intervened and said that wasn't what He had for us. Good thing!
I don't get this either! Why can't a birthmom be "allowed" to handle her relinquishment the way she feels is best for her?
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