Dark Side of Adoption

Never in a million years would I have though I would be in a position that I resent my sons adoption. Yet here I am! I mean I know that adoption can't always have a silver linning, but for once I hoped it would be the one thing in my life that I would have done right. Its amazing how an adoption agency will move mountains for you while you are pregnant but once you have the child and sign away all of your rights they drop you faster than you can blink. Then you think you have choosen parents who appear able to do the job of raising your child better than you can in your current situation. Down the road their true colors begin to appear. Its amazing how easy it is to agree to things like visits and pictures, but no one realizes life still happens and speeds up. Before you know it your behind on emails and photos. Visits seem farther apart. You try hard to give them space to be thier own family and all you want in return is common courtesy. Soon they ignore your phone calls and they don't respond to your calls or text. Then reality hits your not invited to an event that you both agreed upon you attending, before the child was born.


Then comes the email becuase you referred to your self as his other mother in a phone message. His mom tells you she doesn't want him to be confused about the roles beteweewn you and her. First off it was the first time I ever referred to myself in any way to being his mom. Somehow you forgot I am his mom two and you use to be okay with that.

I am not having a hard time with adoption as one may think, I am simply sharing my side of adoption which I don't do often. If I were having a hard time I am sure I would share it like in the past....oh thats right we don't talk now we are simply strangers. The only difference between our relationship and real strangers is that we share a child.

Time flies

I have kept this blog in the back of my mind and always said I should post, but just haven't found the time. Work is slow so why not now!

There is so much that has happened since my last post. My little guy is turning 4 this year and next year the adoption takes on its own new role and I have come to terms with it. I still get to see him which is the most important part. No one ever tells you about all the transitions that you will go through during an adoption or all the years following. They also don't tell you all the aspects of your life that it touches and how everything is all tied in together somehow.

Over the past four years he has grown in to this amazing little man who has parts of me in him! He still knows how to melt my heart! I hope one day he sees how lucky he is to have so many people in his life that love and care about him.

My other little man is turning 8 and boy does that come with an attitude from somewhere. It seems every day one more baby tooth is coming out and he is my toothless grinning machine. I am thankful to have such a wonderful son to have to love. He tells me that he loves me more than I will ever know. He has no idea how much I love him in return and one day when he has his own family he will see. My life was forever changed because of him and I wouldn't trade it for a min. He also is at a point where he will ask a question and when I respond with the answer he informs me I am incorrect and gives me his answer which really isn't the answer. I ask him why then does he bother asking the question in the first place if he knew the answer already.....no response!

I have met the man of my dreams and I am learning to live one day at a time and not rush a life time into a short time. He fills my son and my life with lots of happiness. What the future holds is unknown and I am okay with that for the first time in my life.

I am down to 12 classes left in school then I can finally become a social worker. What the heck was I thinking when I lived life backwards? School with out children would have been so much easier, but this puts the pressure on and keeps me on my toes!

I hope all of you fellow bloggers are doing well!